we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
