He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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