The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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