You really coming over, don't trick.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
