I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Randomize
