All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
