omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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