I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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