I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
