the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
