I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
