So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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