im drinking this country out of the recession.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
