Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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