Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
