No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
