It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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