just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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