Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
