I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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