so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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