I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
