it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize