So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
