please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
