So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Acid is not a monday night drug
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
