I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
