You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
