if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
