Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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