Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
