This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
