I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
