90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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