atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
