3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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