he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
