You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize