So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
