she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
