I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
