I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
