xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
