The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
