Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
