I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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