): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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