remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
