I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
