She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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