Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
