i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
sex in a hospital.. check
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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