im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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