i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
