Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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