I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
a search helicopter?!
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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