At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
