Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize