Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
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