My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
