fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
