sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
