I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
