i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
