I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
