i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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